I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
