i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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