Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize