you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
