We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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