Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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