Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
