I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
