508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
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so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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