smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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