We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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