So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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