Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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