She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
