Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dick very happy bro
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