Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
