I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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