i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
