I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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