Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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