dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.