Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Semen is not good for contacts.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
