I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
