oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
