I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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