By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize