lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
