i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we're making bets on your personal life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
