But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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