Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
and eventually we just all took our pants off
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
