Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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