dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
