I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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