If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize