No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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