why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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