this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
