i wish my penis had a tongue
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have fence marks all over my body
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
