I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
