I smell stomach acid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
