I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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