areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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