Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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