Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
