It's like God shit irony all over that family
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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