Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize