My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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