You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
