He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
