you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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