He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!